Vertical Horizons writing 2016

By Anonymous -

 This is my work so far so what suggestions would you give me to make it better let me know. Please comment if you can:]  

Vertical horizons camp

 Kelly, Pama, Georgina, Olivia, Nikyla, Grace and I stood in order as Mrs Cribb called out our names for our cabins. All of us looked at each other in excitement and joy! Everyone in room 9 were having a meeting for remembering our activity groups. “So parents with the explorers” Nick and David. “And the kids are” Gypsy, Kalissa, Olivia, Georgina, Ubai and Lloyd. Our first activity was the Grass Karts! I simply asked David if me and Alison could go on the first ride. “Sure” David replied. So as nervous as we both were we held our nerves and hopped into a Kart… AHHH!!!!! Alison and I were screaming our heads of in laughter… At the end me and Alison huffed and puffed and dragged the heavy cart up until we finally reached the top of the hill. After the Grass karts our group moved onto the AMAZING!!!! Flying Kiwi. When we all got to the Flying Kiwi I volunteered to go in the first harness to fly! “123 pull team"

“Run Kalissa run” WOW! I gasped. This is amazing I feel like a bird flying and also a butterfly flapping my beautiful wings up and down. After that amazing experience everyone in room 9 were allowed to go for a nice and refreshing swim in the lake!


Comments

  1. Wendy29 March 2016 at 15:58

    I really like the beginning of your story! It made me feel like I was standing in line waiting for my name to be called out to!
    I think you use great description words however be careful in what punctuation you use to make sense and make it sound even more exciting.I love how you screamed when you went on the Flying Kiwi. It sounds like you had lots of fun. I can't wait to read the rest.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wendy29 March 2016 at 15:59

    I really like the beginning of your story! It made me feel like I was standing in line waiting for my name to be called out to!
    I think you use great description words however be careful in what punctuation you use to make sense and make it sound even more exciting.I love how you screamed when you went on the Flying Kiwi. It sounds like you had lots of fun. I can't wait to read the rest.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous31 March 2016 at 14:21

    nice work Kalissa when my group was at the grass karts we could see you on the flying kiwi

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous31 March 2016 at 14:25

    1,2,3, Pull team - great memories Kalissa. It was so so important that everyone did their part to make your adventure a success.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous31 March 2016 at 14:26

    WOW Kalissa great writing maybe you could try using paragraphs for each event .

    Mackenzie
    P.S the flying kiwi was epic

    ReplyDelete

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