My hiding space writting

By Anonymous -

My hiding space


My heart’s pounding like a cheetah's prey.
The leaves are rustling around me as the stones are
banging together as the wind blows them around.
I was as still as a statue waiting for someone to come and find me.
My body was as long as a snake.
Kaelyn was calling my name but still I stayed quiet…
 


“Can you guess where I was hiding”
I'm on the side of my house underneath a tree with a trimmed hedge against me and stones banging in the burrow underneath.

Comments

  1. Anonymous4 April 2016 at 16:00

    great job i love the part (my hearts pounding like a cheetahs prey)
    :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown11 April 2016 at 23:32

    Your first sentence has totally hooked me in Kalissa. I wonder if the second one could be short and sharp too, then you wouldn't have to use 'as' and 'around' twice. How's this ....
    The leaves are rustling around me.
    Stones are banging together as the wind blows then about.
    Do you agree that it keeps the tension up?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Unknown11 April 2016 at 23:33

    Oops, that should have bben ... as the wind blows them about.
    SorryKalissa. I must proof read in future!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous23 February 2017 at 12:49

    Yes I do that is much better as a sentence

    ReplyDelete

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